I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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