I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
