I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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