im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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