he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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