Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
