the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
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I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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