she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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