You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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