i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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