I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
