I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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