Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
