all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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