And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
