I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
