1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
