If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
