He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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