This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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