I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
