JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
