i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
