I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
