White coat. Heels.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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