is your mom at the bar?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
