On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
