i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
