I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
