see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
