So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
