Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
