just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
BRING THE BAGELS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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