watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
