I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize