thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
