I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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