I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
