she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
