this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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