Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you had me at cake vodka
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
