Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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