p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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