He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
