so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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