dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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