so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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