so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
