that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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