Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
