i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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