8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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