When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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