where does the pee come out of this thing
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
