they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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