Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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