she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
