He asked to "fluff my boner.."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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