I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
