Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
