Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
