My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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