Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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