if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
