The maid of honor just puked.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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