Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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