She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
