Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
