he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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