There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
