apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
