made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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