I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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