if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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