I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
